The Zvue Spirit 1GB MP3 Player with Preloaded Music is what it means to be free. Except you have to pay for it. But you get a microphone, and a speaker, and 15 songs built in! You like flags, right?

What do we do better than any other country on Earth? What do we, as Americans, excel at? It’s not being dour, that’s the Russians. It’s not charming indifference, because that’s France. It sure isn’t the mean sort of polite that Canada has perfected. It’s not even taking over places, because England was doing that before we even existed. Americans excel at one thing and one thing only: being jerks.

Now before you start getting mad and writing letters, think about it. Didn’t you get mad at the guy who painted “Obama 2008” on the hood of his minivan? Didn’t that idiot with the Sarah Palin belt buckle annoy you like crazy? What about that guy smoking just underneath your window? Or the man yelling about 9/11? Or the dozens of people who are about to post how we have to understand the greatness of Ron Paul simply because we mentioned his name in the writeup without using the proper level of respect?

The side effect of our freedom is that every time you use it, someone is going to think you’re a jerk. And that brings us to the Zvue Spirit 1GB MP3 Player with Preloaded Music. Even the craziest super-patriot in the world is going to giggle at this thing. Look at the controls, for Jefferson’s sake! And when you turn it on, there’s a waving flag animation covering the LED screen!

But don’t think the people at Zvue stopped there. The Spirit also comes preloaded with a playlist that would make a trucker out of a Harvard professor. Night Ranger? Skynyrd? James Brown? Bachman-Turner Overdrive? The Zvue programmers flew a fruited plane to the purple majestic mountains and loaded up, just for you. Along the way they also found a microphone, equalizer, and a built-in speaker. That’s right, with no extra effort you can force the whole room to taste your freedom!

Being an American means you should care about your fellow citizens. But it doesn’t mean that you have to care! The Zvue Spirit 1GB MP3 Player can be your own private Boston Tea Party. Who says freedom has to be classy, anyway? Not Zvue!

Hey, you think that name sounds a little… foreign?

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