No minutes to pay for. No annoying Joan Cusack sales pitch. And, er, no signal beyond a hypothetical 7-mile range. They might not replace your cell, but these Xact Two-Way Radios have their uses.

Bethalee: Pomeranian to Body Butter. Pomeranian to Body Butter. Come in, Body Butter. Over.

Bethanee: Body Butter here. Pomeranian, please report. Over.

Bethalee: Red tag alert! Confirmed sighting of 40% off sale at Shoe Gallery. Includes all stock. Repeat, includes all stock. Over.

Bethanee: Roger that, Body Butter. Currently engaged in trying-on situation at Heelz. Will move ASAP. ETA: 8 minutes. Over.

Bethalee: Is that Heelz by the west mall entrance, or Junior Heelz just off the food court? Over.

Bethanee: Junior Heelz by the food court. Good idea to bring these radios to the mall, Pomeranian. Over.

Bethalee: Thank you, Body Butter. I thought so, too. 22 GMRS/FRS channels, 38 privacy codes, backlit LCD display. Glad you like. Over.

Bethanee: VOX voice activation is especially useful. Over.

Bethalee: (muffled shouting)

Bethanee: Pomeranian! Status report! What is your position? Over!

Bethalee: Engaged with enemy at Shoe Gallery! Enemy closing in on the last pair of size 4 A. Marinelli pointy-toed red slingbacks! Backup (muffled sounds of struggle) requested! She’s a tough one! Repeat: backup requested! Over!

Bethanee: Body Butter responding! Abandoning trying-on situation! Currently en route! ETA 90 seconds! Do not, repeat, do not permit enemy to vacate the area with those Marinellis! Over!

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