Honestly, officer, you’re going to laugh. It’s all just a misunderstanding.

“So you’re saying it was a misunderstanding?”

Yes!

“And you’re sure you were not propositioning an undercover officer posing as a prostitute in our sting operation?”

No! I mean yes! Yes, I’m sure I was not propositioning your undercover officer.

“So why don’t you walk me through what happened, exactly, sir?”

Certainly. I was just out for a drive, clearing my head, you know?

“In an area of the city well-known for being a haven for prostitution?”

I didn’t know that! How would I know that? I don’t do that sort of thing!

“Go on.”

Anyway, my mind was racing because fall’s here and my yard gets absolutely insane when the leaves start coming down. I’ve got two Sugar Maples and my neighbor has this Honeylocust that sits right on the property line, and I swear this Yellow Buckeye from three doors away somehow manages to dump leaves on my-

“Leaves. I get it. Continue with your story, sir.”

Right. Sorry. Anyway, I saw this woman walking through her yard-

“That’s an abandoned industrial park, sir.”

Well there are no leaves on it, and I didn’t know it wasn’t her property! So I think to myself Hey, she seems to have a handle on the leaf situation. I’ll ask her what she uses! I’ll bet she uses one of those refurbished WORX 18-Volt Cordless Blowers!

“And this is the point where you asked my undercover officer, and I quote: ‘How much for a blower?’”

Yeah! I was curious, you know. They have hurricane-force winds! You can charge the battery completely in about a half hour. I’d want to find a good deal on a piece of equipment like that.

“So why then did you choose to expose yourself to the officer when she approached your vehicle?”

Uh, right. That. Ah, hmm. Well, this is all just a misunderstanding, officer. You see, I was really excited about the prospect of getting these leaves off my lawn, and-

“You’re under arrest.”

Back to top