You’ll love the smell of ions in the morning. Smells like nothing. Better that than the noxious, choking aromas in your car. This ionizer’s cheaper than a gasmask, and you don’t have to wear it on your face.

We used to live right across the street from a sewage treatment plant. On summer days, the entire neighborhood would be smothered in the dank, rank funk of the plant’s, er, raw material. When friends would come a-calling on such days, they’d invariably gasp, “How can you stand living here?” Our answer was simple: you get used to it.

We’re reminded of that every time we take a ride in your car.

Look, dude, the little cardboard pine tree you hung from the rear-view in 2001 isn’t cutting it. And the un-cut “it” in question is “the awful stench hanging in the air inside your car.” Maybe you’re used to the odor by now. Maybe your friends are too nice to mention it. Maybe your rich, eccentric uncle left you millions of dollars on the condition that you drive around with a quart of spoiled yogurt in your glove box for the rest of your life. Whatever it is, it’s reached crisis proportions.

But there might be an easy solution. The Vector Portable Car Air Ionizer requires almost no cash outlay (99 cents plus shipping) and no effort beyond plugging it into your lighter jack and turning it on. The fearsome power of static electricity takes it from there, charging up the air like the future Senator Blutarsky charged up his frat brothers, lobotomizing the nostril-curdling reek into a productive, odorless member of society.

We know it’s your name on the pink slip. But you can’t expect the rest of us to stand by while you surrender your car to the forces of stinkness. So give the Vector Portable Car Air Ionizer a chance. If that doesn’t work, we might be looking at the nuclear option. And we’re not speaking figuratively.

Back to top