People are way too worried about who’s tracking who and who’s selling that info when they could be getting a piece of the action.

Yeah, things looked pretty bleak after I lost my job, but once I found out there are advertisers willing to pay top dollar for information about people’s movements, purchases, likes, and dislikes, I knew I had found my calling. The next day, I went out and bought as many Uniden 2-Camera Wireless Video Surveillance Systems as my credit cards would allow and started my own “neighborhood watch.”

I mean, if people are just going to give info like when they leave their house or how many times they go grocery shopping away online, I figure I might as well record my neighbors doing it with a few weatherproof, night vision equipped cameras and make a profit on it, you know? All day and all night, I take notes on everyone’s movements while watching the 7” color display monitor for each set while my PC captures all the action for sale at a later date. Marty from next door? I can tell you how many times he cuts his grass and what brands of gardening tools he uses. The Simons across the street? I’ve got their whole morning and evening routines, including how many times Mrs. Simon’s boyfriend comes over when her husband’s away on business. And it can all be had at a nice hefty fee, marketers that I’m sure will be emailing me any day now.

And hey, before you start judging me, I don’t exclude myself from my little endeavor. If there’s a marketing company out there interested in how many times I scratch myself while I eat my morning bowl of cereal every day, I’ve got plenty of videos of that, too, all available to the highest bidder. Who’s buying?

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