Hey, I don’t care what some TV producer thinks. You guys are reality TV stars to me.

When I look at you guys, I don’t see just another family. I see a special family, a family that deserves to have its every day-to-day activities recorded and played back for the entire nation to watch.

I don’t see Victoria, my daughter. I see Victoria who struggles to fit in with the cheerleader crowd despite being an artist at heart. I don’t see my son, Lee; I see a boy shaken up by a nasty skateboarding accident who can finds solace nowhere but in his poetry. I don’t see Connie, my wife. I see Connie, a woman just waking up in her mid-40s to realize she is both smarter and more attractive than her high-school-sweet-heart-turned-husband. And I don’t look at myself and see a husband and a father. I see the zany, you-never-know-what-this-wacky-guy-is-gonna-say-next comic relief!

And you know what? I don’t care that NBC passed on us. What matters is that we feel like reality television stars in our hearts. That’s why I got a Uniden 7” Indoor/Outdoor Wireless Video Surveillance System. Just because we won’t be running around this house, bumping into a TV crew, doesn’t mean we can’t feel the thrill of having our lives captured on camera. And trust me: these cameras will pick you up. It’s got 2.4GHz Digital Frequency Hopping Spread Spectrum Technology that allows for secure and interference-free wireless transmissions; that means every argument or heartfelt moment between us will get beamed to the 7” monitor without static or any kind of disruption. And don’t worry; backyard and/or in-the-pool footage will not be wasted. These two cameras are weatherproof, so you better bet one’s going outside.

Well, I can see how excited you all are to get going with this, so I’ll go ahead and set them up right now. Why don’t you guys go to your rooms, and I’ll come around when I’m done to let you know that’s it’s time to start living.

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