Dang it, where did I leave my tablet computer? It was just here one hundred thousand years ago!

Hiya, cave dudes! It’s me, Steve, your fearless and awe-inspiring god-king from the future! Oh good, you guys are groveling. I was worried that, in my absence, you may have tried to kill each other in a mad race for power over the others in your tribe. Good to see I was wrong!

Any who, you guys wouldn’t happen to know what happened to my Toshiba Thrive Tablet, would you? You may know it better as the “Mystical Glow Rock”. It’s got a 10.1” LED-backlit multi-touchscreen… Oh, wait. You haven’t invented inches yet. It’s about this big by this big. It played all those songs and videos I showed you to demonstrate how powerful I was. Anybody? No? Oh, it’s also the thing I “trapped your souls” in using both the 5 megapixel rear camera and 2MP front webcam. Does that ring a bell with anyone?

I thought I had been pretty careful about not leaving anything behind, but it turns out it wasn’t in my time machine when I got back. I’m guessing one of you fur-wearing scamps snatched it away, is that it? Look, I don’t think I need to tell you how none of you will be able to comprehend its awesome power, okay? It’s literally tens of thousands of years before 802.11n wireless or Bluetooth 3.0 will be invented. You can’t connect it to your cave drawings via HDMI®, USB 2.0 and Mini USB or expand its storage capability by putting a “memory pebble” in the SD card slot, understand?

Your former god-king really needs it back, y’all, ‘cause the future’s not looking so good. Like “oh crap, where did all the people go and why are cats in control of everything” not good. So if you guys could just drag out the one who took it so that he can give it back or face the divine punishment of my Lightning Wand, that would be… Wait. Where’d I put my tazer? Hey! HEY! You in the tiger print undies! Give that back!

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