Today is the day you start turning things around. No more excuses. No more whining. It’s time to flip your brain switch to “go-getter” and make some changes.

Today is the day you tell the man in the mirror that you’re not going to take his pessimistic attitude anymore. Today is the day you let him know he’s going to the gym, buying a fresh toupée, and receiving a brand new lease on life. And when you see he’s still sobbing and shaking like he does every morning, today is the day you break that mirror and get a new one, seven years of bad luck be damned.

Today is the day you stop blaming your mother and father for everything bad that’s ever happened to you. Today is the day you tell your mother you forgive her for dressing you in skirts and pigtails for the first eight years of your life because she “really wanted a girl”. Today is the day you call your dad and say, “So what that you never hugged me? So what that you were too busy frequenting adult movie theaters and peep-shows to build me a treehouse? So what that you’re probably so drunk right now you won’t even remember this phone call? I LOVE YOU, DAD.” Today is the day you finally feel the weight on your chest begin to lift.

Today is the day you stop second guessing yourself and buy a Powerlock EOD Multitool with Compound Leverage™ technology that generates twice the cutting and gripping power. Sure, you’ve never needed one before and you probably will never need to use them for things like crimping blasting caps and demolition cord, but just having it sit on your hip in its nylon carrying pouch with belt clip may just give you the inspiration you need to believe that you can, for the first time in your life, fix things.

Today is the day you stop being a wuss and march down to the Accounting Department to tell Rhonda that your heart has been her’s since the moment she introduced herself and told you that you would have to pay the company back for the charges you made to the travel account concerning a donkey rental and a ten-gallon tub of marshmallow fluff during that company trip to Las Vegas. Today is the day she tells you she’s married. Today is the day you tell her he isn’t half the man you are and demand she meet you for Happy Hour drinks and some spinach-artichoke dip at the bar down the street. Today is the day you experience the thrill of being escorted from the office building by security for the very first time.

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