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Derek Rand tried to keep his sombrero low. Across the cantina, what the locals called a bar, Rand could see Dr. Macuiltonaleque smiling a cruel smile and running his fingers up and down Agent Gament’s arm. No need to worry about Brodlie Rand thought to himself, She can maintain her position just fine.

Derek Rand moved his sarape to better hide his features and slipped through the door marked Prohibido! Brodlie had given him the opening he needed, now it was time to show these savages what a proper Oxford education meant! Like a Scottish panther, Rand silently crossed the carpet… but something wasn’t right. The carpet was too clean, as though it had been attended to by something with the strength of a vacuum but the maneuverability of a broom! The vinyl edges, the tile accents, the hardwood, all unscratched and tidy! This was no accident! This was… a trap!

Derek Rand rolled to the side just as the trap door opened. He looked down to see what might have been his fate. There, in a perfectly clean cage, he saw the hideous features of angry Shark Cordless Floor & Carpet Cleaners, circling like predators, leaving no scrap of dust behind.

“Was that your best, Macuiltonaleque?” Rand yelled into the darkness. But deep inside, he knew a strange kind of fear. This wasn’t like Europe, where everyone important was somehow related. This was the New World, and he was force to admit that, here, he had no idea what to expect. As though from everywhere and nowhere, Dr. Macuiltonaleque yelled back.

“Oh, no, Mister Rand! You were not meant to fall into the lair of my pets. Quite the contrary! I meant only to bring them to you!”

Derek Rand clenched his jaw as the giant ramp gave the Shark Cordless Floor & Carpet Cleaners a direct path to where he stood. He could hear the rattle of their empty “no touch” removable trays and the rumble of their battery-powered motorized brushes… or was that just his imagination? For they moved as a pack, surrounding him ultra-quietly, leaving him no escape that he could find. Maybe that noise, thought Rand for the first time in his life, is simply my own racing heart?

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