Please Pleat Me

No one knows better than I do the difficulties of maintaining a neat, professional appearance. A few weeks ago I went to a job interview where the guy told me I looked like I’d been sleeping in my suit on the back seat of my car for a month. I took it as a compliment, because actually it’d been almost six months, but I still didn’t get hired.

I thought I’d been pretty scrupulous about my personal maintenance, shaving in fast-food restrooms a couple times a week, soaping up the pits at truck stops when possible, and rinsing out my socks and underthings in only the least muddy ditches. But the old interview suit was showing some fatigue as a result of my being on an unexpectedly long downswing in the business cycle, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if some fair-haired HR director hadn’t ended up guessing my secret name was Rumplesharkskin.

So I saved up a few trunkloads of bottles and cans, returned them for deposits, and picked myself up a full-sized Rowenta commercial garment steamer.

This thing belches the hot stuff from its wide-diffusion steam head like nobody’s business, humidifying the wrinkles right out of my outfit faster than you can say “oh, I’m sorry, I’m afraid that position’s been filled.” And the heat-up time is like a minute, so no one wonders why I’ve been in the men’s room so long.

With its tilt-and-roll transport feature, I can easily wheel it around like a suitcase, which is good, since I can’t freshen up the suit in the ol’ Corolla, after all.

Plus, it’s good for steam-cleaning furnishings around the home! That’s perfect for me, because it won’t be long before one of these hiring managers is moved by my desparate pleading and I land a job. I’ll have a home with furnishings any day now, I can feel it.

Yep, my luck’s heating up fast, just like a Rowenta garment steamer, no two ways about it.

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