Choosing one of these Pulsar Mens Chronographs is a good way to be noticed. People will say “Wow, I bet that guy with the stainless steel watch knows the time!” Being noticed is always good. Sob.

 The sad part about being over here on Sellout.woot is that we feel very alone. We don’t get nearly the amount of attention that our older sibling does. So we decided that today, we’ve had enough. We’re going to take matters into our own hands and do what every little brother or sister does at some point or another. Today we’re going to make a huge scene just to get attention.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANT YOU TO BUY ONE OF THESE PULSAR MEN’S CHRONOGRAPH WATCHES WAAAAAAAAAAAA BUY ONE BUY ONE BUY ONE BUY ONE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHY DO YOU WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN WAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAA I HATE YOU I HOPE YOU DIE I HOPE THE WHOLE WORLD BLOWS UP FOREVER WOULD THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY THEN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hmm. That didn’t work on you, did it? Well, maybe you’re the oldest child or something. Maybe you’ve heard it all before. But we’re not licked yet. We’re going to move to controversial statements.

The Pulsar PP4005 Mens Chronograph has a stainless steel case and a stopwatch, plus quartz movement and a luminous digital display. The dressy PF3667 has gold tone hands and embossed gold-tone numbers. The sporty-looking PF8036 has a lovely blue background and luminous hands and markers. And that’s just choosing at random! You know what that means? That means that any one of these Pulsar Chronographs are better than bacon. That’s right, we think bacon is overrated. Who cares about bacon, anyway? Bacon is for losers with no taste.

Wow. No cries of outrage on Twitter? No internet petitions linking back to sellout? Nothing at all? All right, how about this.

They call me PF3681. I look shiny and happy with a blue dial and a stopwatch. But inside, I’m dark. Dark and serious. Like The Dark Knight fighting The Watchmen in Sin City. I also know a bunch of Japanese words and I don’t leave tips. Tips are earned. Like respect. Which I automatically have, because I’m dark. Dark as a graphic novel. With sex and blood and sex and more sex and complaints about Margaret Thatcher and blood and sex.

That didn’t work either? That always works! What’s it gonna take to get some attention around here? Do we have to start flashing people? Because we will, you know, we’re not proud. We’ve got a lot of webcams just sitting around, and if that’s what it takes to win you over, well…

...oh, what’s the use. No one ever notices us over here. Just choose whatever one of these stupid Pulsar PP4005 Mens Chronographs that you want. It doesn’t matter to us. Nothing matters. We’re going to sit in the corner and listen to Radiohead. Do whatever you want. We don’t care.

Did that work? Are you paying attention to us now that you know we don’t care? No? DAMN! Are you people made of STONE? What does it TAKE?

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