So you’ve defaulted on that variable-rate subprime mortgage and have to live in your car. So what? With this Philips 80-Watt Power Inverter, you’ll be blowdrying your hair and blending smoothies until the bank takes your car away, too.

Used to be this was a free country. Used to be, a guy wanted to take a puff or two of a cigarette on his morning drive to work, that was his right. Everybody did it. Hell, there was an ashtray and a lighter built right into the dashboard.

But not now that we’re living in the Brave Nanny World. Oh, no, can’t let people give themselves cancer. No, let’s rip out all the ashtrays and put in more cup-holders, at least until they figure out that coffee and soda cause cancer, too. And those old cigarette lighter jacks, well, now we’ll call them “12-volt DC outlets” for gadgets like the Philips SCP5080/17 80 Watt Power Inverter.

Pardon me for not jumping up and down with glee. Yeah, terrific, you can run your AC appliances in the car. Whoopee. That’ll come in handy next time I need to make some toast while I’m driving. Sure, it’s nice that the auto shutdown prevents your car battery from being drained, and the overload and short-circuit protection keep your equipment from getting fried.

But the Philips SCP5080/17 80 Watt Power Inverter just can’t compare to the sublime satisfaction of a deep drag on a rich, flavorful cigarette. You can talk about 12-volt DC outlets all you want – they’ll always be cigarette lighters to me. Cancer? Get back to me after you’ve been using that mobile phone for 30 years.

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