Want to break someone’s mind? Get an Optoma HD180 Home Theater Projector and an Aarnio Chair. Be seeing you.

Whooo! Guess that goes to show, never have a celebratory drink with a midget in a top hat. But still, what a great day! It’s the first day of my retirement! Gonna start sleeping late, watching a little TV, maybe fish, work on the car… hey, hang on… where am I?

You are in The Village!

…yeah, okay. Look, dude, cool chair and all, and I’m digging the HD lava lamp you got on the Optoma HD180 Home Theater Projector there, but it's just not my thing, okay? So just show me the exit and I’ll forget that you ever-

We want… information!

Information? Dude, you have a Optoma HD180 Home Theater Projector. Hook in your XBox or a computer or a TV or something, put on CNN. It’ll look good and make you look cool. Then everybody will start coming over and you won’t have to kidnap friends. Hey, whoa, call off your growling jello, dude, we’re cool. I just want to get back to my retirement.

You are Number Six.

Can I guess you’re number one? Is that how you scored a sweet Optoma HD180 Home Theater Projector?

I am Number Two.

HAHAHA! SERIOUSLY? Oh, man, you’re so bad at this. But I guess if you’re two and I’m six, you’ve only done this with, what, three other people? Yeah, dude, really, kidnapping is not a good idea. But look, I had a day job like this once too, so I understand. You have to save face, right? Here, let me give you something, we can call it even. Ahem. “The Optoma HD180 Home Theater Projector can work with front, rear, table top or ceiling mount projection.” See? Bet you didn’t know that! If you did, you wouldn’t be wasting floor space on those teeter-totter guys. Do they even do anything? What do they do?

I’ll ask the questions here, Six.

Seriously, what do they do? I’ll give you a million dollars if you tell me what they do. Hey, you know what? I bet I know you. I was a spy for like ten years, I know everybody. Larry? Larry, is that you in that egg chair?

N-no! No, I’m some other guy! Who wants secret information!

Yeah, it is you, Larry. I knew that was your midget.

Aw, MAN! You’re too good, man! That was going to be your surprise party!

Really?

Yeah, I was supposed to keep you busy playing cat-and-mouse until everybody got off work, and then we were going to serve that growling jello! We have a cake and those see-saw guys are a performance art team.

Oh, wow! How cool is that? Okay, hey, tell you what. Why don’t I just pretend to be surprised later, and we just won’t tell them.

Wow, man. Really cool of you.

No problem at all, Larry. Aw, I really love you guys, you know that? Hey, c’mon now, let’s go. Ahem. Information? You won’t get it! Not even if you use your Optoma HD180 Home Theater Projector to hypnotize me!

By hook or by crook, Number six, we will.

Hey, what does that mean, anyway, Larry?

I’ve got no idea, dude. Agent Drake wrote the whole thing. Ha, you should see what he’s got planned for later. Monkey mask and everything. It’s totally mental. Love that guy!

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