We’d be the first to agree that golf is super, super boring. But you have to admit it has one distinct advantage over more exciting sports like hockey, basketball and BMX racing:

Old folks can play it. And not just as a weekend hobby, but at elite levels! Our dreams of becoming a Major League shortstop were already obviously, hopelessly unrealistic by the time we were in high school. We don’t even remember what it felt like to believe that could have happened. But what if we wanted to make it on the Senior Golf scene? We’re in our 30s; we’ve still got almost 20 years to enjoy that delusion!

Here are the four essential things a Senior golfer needs to be successful: Talent, discipline, a lot of good luck, and a travel bag for his or her golf bag. So let’s run down the list in order.

01. Talent – In our case, as yet undiscovered. Possibly latent. (Oh, weird, we just noticed that “latent” is an anagram of “talent.”)

02. Discipline – Can be developed, right?

03. Good Luck – Champions make their own luck (using a process we don’t know very much about, and will have to look into before the 2025 Senior Open).

04. A Golf Bag Travel Bag– CHECK.

With the Ogio StraightJacket travel bag, we’re basically 25% of the way to a life in professional sports. It’s durably made from heavy-grade materials, and can transport all sizes of bags from the traditional stand bag to the jumbo tournament size. You just tuck your rig into the easy-opening StraightJacket, secure it with the internal cinch-straps, and bingo-bango, you’re rolling through the airport on rugged, quiet in-line skate wheels faster than you can say “poor Tom Watson.”

Oh, there are a couple outer pockets on this thing too, for accessories. We’re thinking that’s where we’ll keep our stacks of pre-autographed five-by-sevens for when we’re recognized.

OK, so being a professional golfer wasn’t our first choice. But let’s face it, the NHL is brutally physical, and there’s a lot of running in basketball. No one wants to see a middle-ager getting thrashed in an MMA cage, and as for football… well, let’s not be ridiculous. Yeah, we’re long past our sell-by date for a career in all the best sports. So golf it is! We’re ordering the Ogio StraightJacket today, and tomorrow, who knows? Maybe we’ll go to the driving range or something. There’s no rush; we’ve got years to get good at this game.

Just so we’ve got it straight, though, it’s the lowest score that wins, right?

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