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I was just reading in a magazine about Bill Gates, and I’m not sure if you had heard this, because I don’t know how closely you follow the news and current events, but that guy is loaded.
I’m talking like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars. I don’t remember the actual number from the article. But it was high.
If I had that kind of dough, things would be different. First, in lieu of tissues, I would maintain a team of beautiful Chinese handmaidens and expel my nasal mucous into their fine silk loincloths as needed. I would own a solid platinum bass boat, which I would have to tow around on a platform behind one of my yachts if I wanted to fish from it, because platinum is not a very good boatmaking material in terms of buoyancy, but it would still be awesome. Also, I would put a statue of myself on the Moon.
The Gatester doesn’t have the same tastes as I do, though. Like here’s an example of something he’s done with his money: The Gates compound is outfitted with picture frames that read your mind and display images of what you’re thinking. I heard that from a guy who heard it from a tour guide on a two-hour Lake Washington ferry ride, so you know you can trust it. Also he’s trying to rid the world of malaria. Which seems like overkill when you think about how many bug zappers he could afford. What does he have to worry about getting malaria?
If I was Bill Gates? Man. Yeidle deedle deidle diddle deidle deedle deidle dum. I would fund an R&D initiative to get the Treasury department to manufacture dollar coins out of some kind of lightweight, porous nanometal/polymer just so I could swim in an Olympic-sized pool of them, Unca Scrooge style.
It would be awesome.
However, I’m not Bill Gates. And neither are you. (Unless he’s reading this, in which case, hi, Bill! Want to buy me a platinum bass boat?) So schlubs like you and me can’t have any of the perks and the luxuries and the prestige that go along with being the world’s however-manyth wealthiest man.
But we can get the very same kind of personal media player that Bill Gates uses to listen to his favorite tunes. It’s called a “Zune,” and they make a few different kinds. This one holds up to 2,000 songs, or 25,000 pictures, or 24 hours of video. It comes with free games. It can sync and download wirelessly. And it has a built-in FM radio.
OK, so it isn’t the Tyrannosaur-skull toilet you’d get for yourself if you had Bill’s buying power. And it’s not as cool as having your own submarine that transforms into a helicopter. But it’s also not as expensive as said heli-sub.
So until you make your mondo fortune, maybe listening to your Zune is as close to the Bill Gates lifestyle as you’re going to get.
Oh, except I know a barber shop where you can get his same haircut, too, if you want.
Pink Zune 8GB Digital Player
Pink Zune 8GB Digital Player packaging
Red Zune 8GB Digital Player
Red Zune 8GB Digital Player packaging
Headphone jack and connector port
Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty
Condition: New
Features:
Technical Specifications:
Screen:
Wireless:
Wireless sync:
Audio support
Picture support:
Video support:
FM radio:
Included accessories:
Ports:
In the box:
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