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Hello, my name is Smell Ron Skunkbard, Popesident and adorable mascot of the Church of Scentology. Scentology is designed to bring out that which is already in you: your net worth. And for the Scentology techniques to properly work, you must promise to stay away from any Microsoft USB Wireless Mouse and Keyboard you see.
You see, Scentologists believe that a million thousand years ago, the Perfumeos used a Microsoft USB Wireless Mouse and Keyboard to block our natural tenth sense of quantonium hypersmell and trap us in these plainly stinky bodies. Except for mine. While in China my Cherokee blood brother trained me to smell like pizza.
The Microsoft USB Wireless Mouse and Keyboard is stylish and curved, and the psychomological elite would have you believe that means it is ergonomic and well designed. They’d have you believe that you need multifunction keys, five programmable Favorites buttons, volume control, the whole works. They’d have you believe that with one open USB port you could have the whole kit and kaboodlely-doodle, just that simple, no wires, no fuss. But a Scentologist doesn’t need all that. All a Scentologist needs is to follow one’s own nose. And by one’s own, I mean mine.
The Smell Ron nose is more balanced than an optical laser mouse. It’s precise, it’s more responsive, it has smooth tracking and is free from irritating hairs that look ugly. Never trust a man with nose hair. I learned that from a fellow during the four years I spent in Mexico. Of course I promised never to give his name, but you’d know him right away if I did. He went on to invent… well, I don’t want to give it away. Not for free, anyway. Incidentally you owe me a dollar now. All this stuff is classified.
Being a Scentologist is more than the Microsoft USB Wireless Mouse and Keyboard types will ever know. Every day, people come to me and say “Smell Ron, thank you for freeing me from the terror of the Zoom feature, which easily brought things into closer view, thank you for freeing me from the fear I had every time I couldn’t figure out how to program my customizable Hot Keys, thank you for saving the life of my child after the Windows Start Menu Button nearly killed her as she was sleeping”. And I always say “Don’t thank me, lady! Thank Scentology!” And then I blow in their faces, because my breath is like sweet blueberries and cream. Learned that trick while stationed at Area 51 when I was in the Navy.
So that’s the choice that faces you now. The path that takes you to the Microsoft USB Wireless Mouse and Keyboard or to Scentology, and true liberation. I mean, really, do you want sit around all day with a Cushioned Palm Rest, just being some faceless nobody on the Internet? What have a bunch of faceless nobodies ever accomplished?
Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty
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