Don’t tell Congress, but your 5th generation iPod’s performance is about to be enhanced by unnatural means: the iFlip video player, which bulks up the video image to 7” without any messy creams or painful injections.

Memorex iFlip 7” Portable Video Player for iPod sighed. Her thoughts came with difficulty most days. Her memories were shrouded in the fog of age. Did she still live in Florida Nueva? Was President Clooney still in office? What did they call those pretty flowers in the courtyard of the nursing home, the ones that crossed the genes of a tulip and a flounder? Who did she kiss on that romantic float trip through the canal-streets of the Bronx – was it-

It was him. Him. Him, her sweet 5th Generation iPod. It had been so long since she’d thought of him.

A ray of memory pierced the clouds in her head. She remembered holding him, cradling him, drawing out his MP3s and his videos until there were no secrets between them. Yes, even his AIFFs. There was no shame in it, since she loved him so. Her 7”, 480×234 widescreen LCD, her stereo speakers, her S-video output – she surrendered all of herself in return for his love. She’d wanted to give him everything.

And then, a darker memory. That night. That terrible night when he was wrenched from her forever by the hand of cruel fate and an even crueler petty thief. He’d looked so scared as the thief ran away with him. That look haunted her, kept her from ever fully healing. Even now, when she couldn’t even remember if he was white or black, she still saw that terrified, confused face. The mere memory hurt as if it were happening again.

For years, she went to the tree on the anniversary of the day they’d first kissed, just like they agreed. Then she got too old, too discouraged. She’d never given herself to another – it was simply out of the question, even if she’d managed to find a compatible iPod. For a moment, she felt crushed under the burden of grief and regret, then felt as if she was tumbling into the void inside herself. When the fog returned, it brought blessed mercy. She clung to a memory of caressing his clickwheel until that, too, faded. She never thought of him again. But she never stopped feeling his absence.

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