I love my husband. Really, I do. But he couldn’t give me the thing I wanted most in the world. That’s where you came in…

I was desperate, don’t you see? Ever since I was a little child, I knew I wanted a 6-foot fiberglass ladder to care for. I had been building myself up for it my whole life. But when the doctors told us that my husband and I that we’d never be able to purchase one “naturally,” we tried every other option. Garage sales. Junkyards. The Internet. All of it failed. The strain it put our marriage was unbearable. I had to do something.

It wasn’t planned. It was just a business trip. But when I saw you in that hotel bar, I… Well, I don’t know what happened. You were handsome. You were sweet. And the tool belt you were still wearing told me you were handy in a way that might help my situation. So, I went for it. I seduced you. And in the morning when I left you alone and naked on that hotel bed, I had your Little Giant 6-Foot Fiberglass Ladder with me.

I know what I did was wrong. Every day, I live with the guilt of my actions. But the look on my husband’s face when I told him that finally, after all this time trying, I would be able to give him a versatile, durable, and incredibly stable 6-foot ladder that folds down to a super-slim 3-1/2 inch storage and carrying profile was worth the all the guilt in the world. I’d do it all over again if I had to.

Not now, obviously. Don’t get any ideas.

Please, can’t you just walk away and forget you ever ran into me again? Yes, they are your high-strength steel alloy spreader bars and extra-wide flare, but we’re the ones who love and care for it. Don’t shatter the only happiness it’s ever known by forcing yourself into its life now. If it means that much to you, maybe you could just, you know, borrow it from time to time.

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