Health-conscious, schmealth-conscious! Food’s better fried!

Mom says I’m unhealthy
I say Mom, be quiet!
What makes you think you’ve the right
To criticize my diet?

It’s a simple meal plan
Don’t knock it ‘til you try it:
Everything I eat, before I eat it,
I deep fry it

Finger foods like mushrooms,
Chips and onion rings,
Chocolate bars, banana fritters,
Broccoli, chicken wings,

Mozzarella sticks, falafel
Dude, you can’t deny it
Every food is better when
You batter it and fry it

I can still remember
Back before I got my fryer
My BMI was lower, but
My sadness levels higher

If you had told me then
That food is better when you fry it
I would have scoffed right in your face
And said “yeah, you’re a riot”

But then I saw this Woot deal
And I felt compelled to buy it
And now no morsel passes o’er my lips
Before I fry it

Yes, I’m a true believer now!
There’s nothing I won’t fry!
Jumbo shrimp! Or mac & cheese!
Fish sticks! Apple pie!

I’ll deep-fry all my days henceforth!
Yes, I’m a lifelong fryer!
Until my fatal heart attack
Or death in a grease fire

Back to top