The New Year approaches, and you can hardly help but take stock of what entropy hath wrought. A softer paunch, thinner hair. And your computer’s in worse shape yet

So that’s it. Another year wasted. Another long stride toward the grave, with nothing to show for it but a slightly higher risk of colon cancer. I had such big plans for 2008! I was going to finally tackle French. I went as far as buying a class on CD, but I never listened to it.

Oh, and I was going to write, too. This was the year I was sure I’d finish my novel, and also my thank-you notes for college graduation gifts. Boy, most of the people who gave me anything are dead now. Still, it’s never too late to express appreciation, right? Well, it’s too late to express it in oh-eight, anyway.

I promised myself I’d finally get in shape this year, too. Push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, a swimming regimen, I had it all planned. Started off pretty strong, doing a three-mile run-walk on January third, but that was the beginning and the end of that endeavor. There was a time in my youth when I could have stood toe-to-toe with almost anybody in a fight to the death! Now I’m too weak to even run for my life.

Ah, and this was the year I had pledged to finally buy myself an OK desktop PC. Nothing super fancy, just nice, you know? Something with a quad core processor and an HDTV tuner. Maybe a decent video card, with an HDMI and DVI port on it so I could use it as a media center.

Oh, well. The best-laid plans, right? Chalk up another failure in the sad, wasted life of this worthless old schmuck that was once a man. I barely deserve to—Wait a minute. What’s this?

An HP Pavilion desktop system on sellout.woot? What’s the date? New Year’s Eve! There’s still time! Yes! Oh, thank heaven! Once I get this thing set up at home, who knows what else I might accomplish in 2009? Look out, world—it’s starting to look like next year belongs to me!

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