A story for the ages.

Gather round kiddos, it's time to hear the story of how bedding came to be. Sure, you all have your Hallmart Comforter Sets now, but it wasn't always like that.

There was a time in this country when bedding was a gerund, because 'to bed' was an activity: you had to go seek out a bed in the wild and all you got for a blanket was some moss and a glimmer of hope that maybe tomorrow you'd find something softer.

Then of course Jebediah Mattress comes along and says, "I shan't be sleeping in the forest nay more! I'll build a bed out of cow hide and springs!" This probably sounds reasonable to you, because you grew up with mattresses, but at the time it was a revolutionary idea. In fact, it got poor Jebediah banished from town. Or maybe it was that Jebediah had a penchant for setting fires. I might be mixing up my Jebediah's.

Anyway, it was a whole century after the invention of the mattress that someone was like, "Why don't we cover these things up with some warm stuff?" Some people said, "Let's use leaves!" Whereas others said, "Let's use the recently invented cloth product!" And thus a war ensued. But only for like a week. Low and behold the dum-dums who wanted to use leaves weren't up on modern military strategy.

And that's how bedding happened, I think. I'm not sure. I'll be honest, I've been drinking. Now, who's gonna drive me to the golf course?

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