My girlfriend is going to be so happy when she sees I’ve found someone to give us a hand, er, hook, I mean, um, hook-hand?

You have no idea how much I appreciate this, mister. I really didn’t think I’d run into anybody out here on this dark stretch of road out in the middle of nowhere where no one would even dream to look if we disappeared without a trace. Good thing I had a couple of these Energizer Industrial Rubber LED Flashlights in my glove box when the car broke down, I guess. The car should be just over this next hill… I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. What was it again?

I see. Not much of a talker. That’s perfectly fine. I’m just glad to have the help! Just follow me and the 11 lumens light output. Should be there soon.

Heh. Lumen. That’s a funny word, isn’t it? Luuuuuumen. Ha. I remember it from looking at the list of features for this thing. There was other stuff, too, of course: 16 hour runtime, 34 feet distance on the beam, built-in stand thingy, a couple AAA batteries, that sort of thing. But just the word “lumens” really tickled me, you know? I bet there are quite a few funny words in your line of work, huh? You know, with being a fisherman and all. Which I’m assuming because of the yellow rain slicker and the whole hook for a hand thing you’ve got going on there. Very “frozen fish spokesman” meets “Peter Pan villain.” Love it, by the way. Wonderful style.

Ah, here we are and there she is. Good. I was afraid she’d wander off to go looking for help. Didn’t want her doing that. After all, you never know what kind of creeps you’ll run into this time of night, do you? So I don’t know if it’s just something simple we can fix now or if maybe I blew the head-gasket, but I’m hoping you might be able to… Ugh, why is she screaming? Sweetie, it’s fine! I’ve brought help! No, no, no, that’s not blood smeared on his slicker at all! He just had a slight accident with a bottle of ketchup! That is ketchup, right? I mean, I’m assuming it’s ketchup. Probably hard to open a bottle properly in your condition, isn’t it?

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