My dorm mate always said, a penny sucked up is a penny earned.

Way to go, Sport. You blew all your cash on that pony keg. True, the party was pretty epic, but now you’re starving and all that’s in the mini fridge is a half loaf of stale white bread and a questionable jar of Miracle Whip.

You know the drill. Cushions first, then behind the couch. Who knows what spare change treasure awaits amidst the tangled nest of dog hair, potato chip crumbs and … oh god, is that a chicken wing?

No, I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t stick my hand back there either. You never know what’s going to grab back. And it’s not like your roommate can help. Judging by the Sharpie mustache and the fact that he’s still curled up on the bathroom floor, he’s gonna be out for awhile.

Guess it’s time to break out the big guns. Now aren’t you glad your mother sent you the Dyson DC23 in your last care package? You have to admit, the Telescopic wand is perfect in tight gaps just like this. And if you use the crevice tool, you can get right in between the wall and that pizza box, which is probably the source of the mystery smell that’s been lingering for two weeks.

Check it out! That Root Cyclone Technology really is a force to be reckoned with. Five dimes, two nickels, three pennies, and no loss of suction whatsoever! Now with all the quarters you nabbed from playing, well, quarters … that’s two dollars and 88 cents. Congratulations, Champ. You just graduated from mayonnaise sandwiches to bologna and mayonnaise sandwiches.

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