“Keeping in mind that you’re under oath, Mr. A-5640, I’ll ask you again: did you visit Marla Coriander on the night of August 7th?”

“No. I keep telling you, no.”

“Then could you please explain why three different neighbors claim they heard 5.1 surround sound coming from the apartment that night, when you and I both know that her existing speakers only offered two-channel sound?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t there.”

“Very well, Mr. A-5640. How about this, then: did you kill Marla Coriander’s old PC speakers?”

“Objection!”

“Overruled! The court instructs the witness to answer the question.”

“You heard the judge, Mr. A-5640. Did you kill the old speakers? Yes or no?”

“No…no, I…no.”

“Isn’t it true, Mr. A-5640, that Ms. Coriander paid you to kill her old speakers…just like you paid her for audio favors? Isn’t it?”

“How dare you! My Marla isn’t like that! She – she -”

“She what, Mr. A-5640?”

“She loves me! She loves my compact design and deep subwoofer! Those old speakers were all wrong for her! They could never satisfy her needs for PC audio the way I could!”

“So I’ll ask you again: did you kill her old speakers? Did you?”

“Yes! Yes I did! And I’d do it again! If that makes me a criminal -”

“It does, Mr. A-5640! And the only listeners you’ll have from now on will be your cellmates!”

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