“Wise Elder, tell us again about the mighty Cloud Walker and his enchanted ever-quenching backpack.”

“Fine, but knock off the ‘elder’ crap, huh? I’m only 47. Details says it’s the new 17. Anyway, in the beginning there were only four things in the world: the Earth, the sky, the water, and 7-11 hot dogs. Into this world was born Cloud Walker. And he strolled through the clouds and looked down on the Earth and the water and saw much that pleased him.”

“Tell us more. What pleased him?”

“Pretty much everything. This was like thousands of years before Avatar, so the thrill bar was set pretty low. This guy was like ‘Wow, check out that mud! That’s awesome!’ He felt great contentment and joy. Until he got hungry, that is, and had to eat one of those 7-11 hot dogs.”

“Oooooh! So brave!”

“Not that brave. Bacteria hadn’t been invented yet, either. But those hot dogs were just as over-salted and dried-out as they are now. And for the first time, Cloud Walker knew thirst. Fortunately, in one of those coincidences that only takes place in mythology, he found a Camelbak canteen backpack. Actually, two of them, but one was kid-sized, and he was a full-grown man with only one back. So he took the grownup one, filled it with water from a clear bubbling stream or whatever, and strode in hydrated comfort for the rest of his days, never having to fill it again.”

“Was the Camelbak magical? Is that how he was able to drink from it without it ever running dry?”

“No, it only held about two liters of water. See, ‘the rest of his days’ wasn’t that long. A few hours later, he had the bad luck to be walking through the clouds when the gods created the 747. It was pretty ugly. But probably better than dying of thirst.”

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