If you’re tired of paying someone else to wake you up, try a Breville XXBKC600XL K-Cup Coffee Machine. Why help an evil corporation get richer? Um, except for us, we’re cool.

“Oh, excuse me. I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no, no problem! You didn’t hit me that hard. It must be really rough to get around with that tail. Here, let me help you reach those K Cup Refills.”

“Oh, thank you. I use them in my refurbished Breville BKC600XL K-Cup Coffee Machine. Because it was refurbished, it didn’t come with a reusable k cup so I have to buy these refills. It also doesn’t have a water filter, even though it works fine without one. I guess I just bought it because of the large 64oz water reservoir. It’s a silly reason, I know…”

“That’s not a silly reason. Besides, the Breville BKC600XL K-Cup Coffee Machine makes coffee with almost no mess, running the water right through the k cup and into your mug. That gives you one very easy cup of coffee.”

“One is right. I live alone, so I never need to make more than one cup at a time. Ever since I broke up with my boyfriend, Kal… listen, you’re super to help me like this. It’s been a hard few years for me.”

“Hard? What do you mean?”

“Oh, I don’t want to bother you with anything.”

“No, no, I’d love to hear about it. I’ve never met a mermaid before.”

“Well… I don’t usually talk about this, but… I was working for this corporation. You know, some modeling work. They talked me into… you know.”

“Without a top?”

“Yeah. I’m not shy or anything but it just felt kind of… sleazy? It paid well, though, and I really needed the money back then. I figured it would be good on the resume too. But then, for some reason, they started denying it was me. They said it was some siren!”

“That’s terrible! What did you do?”

“What could I do? They’re a big powerful corporation and I’m just one little mermaid! I tried to find other work, but without experience… I’ve had to do… things.”

“You mean… blue movies?”

“Blue as a lit LCD display. Oh, don’t look at me. Don’t look at me while I’m crying. You’re so nice, you shouldn’t have to deal with me. I hate my life so much. Some days I can’t even look at my reflection in the polished stainless steel exterior of my Breville BKC600XL K-Cup Coffee Machine.”

“Hey. Hey. Listen. I don’t care how many guys have gotten to second base with you, you seem like a nice lady-fish.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. Listen, normally right now I’d ask if you wanted to go out and get some coffee, but I guess that wouldn’t be… you know…”

“Oh, because of how they… ha ha ha! I can’t believe you made me laugh. Ha ha ha ha ha! You’re so sweet.”

“Hey, I’ve got no plans today. Why don’t we go down to the beach and sit by the ocean?”

“That… sounds wonderful. But before we go… can you get another pack of those K Cup Refills?”

“Sure, but… why?”

“Because I’ve got a feeling that, tomorrow morning, my Breville BKC600XL K-Cup Coffee Machine is going to be needing to make an extra cup.”

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