One of those mornings when you’d kill for a cup of coffee? You’d feel better with a Breville K-Cup Coffee Machine. Refurbished, but not irredeemable

Murderers. Double murderers. Triple murderers. Multiple murderers. What do all these careers have in common? That’s right. They, along with millions of adulterers, embezzlers and copywriters, love that first cup of morning coffee.

But coffee isn’t just for social deviants. And that’s why they make this refurbished Breville K-Cup Coffee Machine. Why shouldn’t honest, hardworking Americans be able to enjoy the same great tasting K-Cup single portion coffee?

Unfortunately, we know the answers to that question. The first is “because no coffee is included”. This one isn’t so bad, it’s easy to find the K-Cups and order them to your house. You can also find them at Bed Bath and Beyond (probably in the Beyond section unless you like bathroom coffee). And remember, the K-Cups mean that the 64 ounce water reservoir holds nothing but water, so there’s no carafe to hold the flavor of old coffee. You get a fresh mug each time.

The second is “because you’re missing some stuff”. Sure, the Breville K-Cup Coffee Machine has a storage compartment for the reusable K-Cup (it’s the only K-Cup machine that does!) but, well, you won’t actually get that reusable K-Cup. You also will be lacking a scoop and a water filter. But rising to the occasion is what makes this country great! Why not try a spoon? Or make a filter from chicken wire and spaghetti? This is your chance to reinvent the wheel!

So stop looking down from your ivory tower and wondering if you can ever wake up. Use the refurbished Breville K-Cup Coffee Machine to join the millions of horribly maladjusted people who start each day with a hot cup of coffee. Because no matter what’s wrong with it, it’ll still taste better than Starbucks.

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