All I’m asking is when you’re going to finally settle down with a nice desktop computer, honey, that’s all.

I know, I know, I said I wouldn’t give you any more trouble on the subject, but the truth is you’re killing your father, that’s what you’re doing. All this gallivanting around with these laptops and tablets you keep bringing around is giving him an ulcer, and you know how he is when he can’t eat the things he likes. I thought for sure he was going to have a heart attack when he heard about that silly smartphone Mrs. Johnson down the street saw you with the other day. Is that what you want? You want to put your father in the ground years before his times? ‘Cause that’s where he’s heading if you don’t stop being so selfish, young lady. I’m just saying.

Now I don’t want you to be upset with me, but I was telling Opal down at the salon about your lack of a reliable desktop, and she told me about what sounds like a lovely young Acer Aspire X1 Quad-Core Desktop PC she knows from the neighborhood. Wait, wait, hear me out before you get huffy. He’s got his own Genuine Windows® 7 Home Premium operating system, a nice 3.1GHz AMD Athlon II 645 Quad-Core processor, and 4GB DDR3 memory. See? Right there, you can tell the computer has goals, you know? And he’s very handsome. Opal showed me a picture. Not too tall, dark, very classy, and a cute little power button. Rumor is his hard drive is huge, too! A terabyte, even! What? I’m an adult, you’re an adult. We can talk about these things. Oh, and before I forget, he’s refurbished but, really, who isn’t these days?

Anyway, I sort of told Opal about our plans today and that, if she happens to run into the Acer Aspire, she should maybe invite him over to watch a movie on his DVD-Writer drive or streaming via broadband modem or wired broadband router with wired Gigabit Ethernet. So he might be popping by. And by “might,” I mean “definitely will be around 3 this afternoon,” so do something about your hair before then, sweetie.

What?! I’m just asking you to meet the Acer, not take him home with you. You kids can exchange BookTweets or TumbleBumbles or whatever you kids do nowadays, I don’t know. Just, please, for the sake of your father, give the desktop a chance, will you?

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