Homeland, you don’t have to pretend. Your Homeland Security 850 2.4 Ghz Wireless Security Camera is a perfectly fine little motion activated camera. Why are you pretending to be something you’re not?

Everyone does it once in a while. That woman’s out of your league, so you tell her you’re a minor-league baseball player. That guy’s way too handsome, so you send a picture of you beside your most beautiful friend. That job pays so well, so your best friend becomes a previous employer. It’s terrible, and it happens, but can you really build a long lasting trust on the back of that very first exaggeration? You betcha. It happens all the time.

The Homeland Security 850 2.4 Ghz Wireless Security Camera is a good example. First of all, the company is named Homeland. They do security. It does mean that one of their guys can say “Hello, I’m with Homeland security!” and not be a big fat liar, but it sort of misrepresents things from the beginning. And who wants misrepresentation from a security company? That’s a scary, scary thing for a paranoid homeowner to discover at the last minute! Which could be why we’ve got the Homeland Security 850 2.4 Ghz Wireless Security Camera here today. But don’t worry, Homeland. You’re the teenage boy and we’re the cool uncle. We’ll help you get those new pickup lines working. You’ll be back wowin’ ‘em in no time.

Honestly, you probably won’t need too much help because, as far as we can tell, your Homeland Security 850 2.4 Ghz Wireless Security Camera isn’t a bad little security camera. It works indoors or outdoors, day or night, and it’s small enough to install unobtrusively so it won’t ruin someone’s garage or storefront. It transmits up to 300 feet and has a built-in microphone, which works without wires. Weatherproof, too, and there’s four channel selections. A Homeland Security 850 2.4 Ghz Wireless Security Camera could be a way to keep a home safe at night, or to let employees check and see if there’s free pizza in the break room, or perhaps just a way to make the exhibitionist in someone’s life very happy. That’s a lot of positives. So why, Homeland, did you feel the need to hint that you were connected with the United States government? Did you think someone would just assume you picked the name “Homeland security” by accident? You gotta think about these stories a little, you know? You gotta play the game!

Okay, Homeland, okay, we understand. For a while, the rich people were looking for an all-powerful government to keep them safe, and that name was probably a plus. But that all changed the second a Democrat took over the job. Now the government is bad, and scary, and can’t be trusted with the job of keeping our nation safe. At this point, that name’s really what’s holding you back.

So here’s our advice. After we sell out of these Homeland Security 850 2.4 Ghz Wireless Security Cameras, go ahead and  get your team together and have a little staff meeting. Throw out names like “PriviSec” or “Elephant Technologies” or “Team Redestat”. Think about assigning your models names like “Galt 3000” or “Roark II”. And before long, people will be interested in you again. Also maybe hit the gym a little. And get a few good shirts. And a belt. No, a nice belt. Nicer than that.

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