Join the noble guild of flim-flam, fraud, and snake oil.

Hey Wooters, are you interested in making a little cash? Want in on the ground floor of a fool-proof money-making scheme? Then buy these rocks and begin your path to financial freedom!

How are these worthless rocks going to make you money? In exactly the way that we’re making money right now. All you need to do is convince some other people to buy rocks so they can get in on the plan. Just sell the rocks to those people for more money than you’re buying them from us, get it?

You can even market your own rock-selling business by pointing out how these rocks would make a great gift for graduation or Father’s Day. Why? It doesn’t matter. I guess men and college graduates enjoy rocks?

OK, I can see that you’re having a hard time understanding how this works. Imagine stacking up the rocks in a kind of “pyramid”. Now, up at the top is Woot – we’re supplying the rocks. And then down here on the next level is you. You buy the rocks from us. And the level below you is even more people willing to buy your rocks for a higher price. And so on.

Now, at some point this plan becomes unsustainable as the number of suckers exponentially grows beyond the world population. So at some point we’re going to have to come up with some “legitimate” reason why people would want to buy these rocks. Hmmm…let’s think…OK, got it!

Let’s call them “Whiskey Rocks” and say they can be used to cool whiskey without dissolving like ice. We could probably even convince those idiots to WARM their hot drinks with them, too. I mean, the rocks are made with soapstone, are odorless and tasteless—so what’s the harm?

Unfortunately, there’s no legitimate reason to own all these Roku Boxes. Let’s throw them at windows of abandoned buildings.

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