I let my email sig do the talking.
Subject: Re: Party This Friday
Thanks for the invite, but unfortunately, I can’t make it this Friday. Maybe grab lunch next week some time?
Sent from my HP Envy Intel Core i5, 2TB SATA Desktop.
Possibly composed while watching a movie with the SuperMulti DVD±RW drive which can read and write CDs and DVDs in multiple formats. Any and all typos should be attributed to this possible distraction.
(See attached image taken in well-lit, tastefully decorated room).
Attached image may not have been taken while writing this exact email. It is meant only to give you an idea of the room in which I generally compose emails. Thus, any discrepancies in my personal appearance should be disregarded. For example, if I was clean shaven when you saw me yesterday or the day before but appear fully-bearded in the photograph, this should be of no concern for you.
Sent from my apartment, which has been established, as of 3:48pm today, to be a snake-free environment. I would prefer confirmation of the same on recipient’s end within 45 minutes or I will have no choice but to call 911.
Please note: If you receive any emails from me between the hours of 1am and 4am that are barely comprehensible but seem to indicate that I’m stuck outside while it's “raining bricks,” it means I’m sleep-emailing again. Please reply asking me to wake up and assuring me that it was all a bad dream. Maybe send a GIF of an explosion or an MP3 of a balloon popping or something.