Oh, how incredibly touching!
Use this: to finally experience the sensation of something responding to your touch.
Don't use this: to pretend to play Flappy Bird by touching a picture of a real bird over and over. IT'S OVER. LET IT GO.
In 99.9% of uses, this doesn't: touch you back.
When it's cold outside, this stays warm by: snuggling with its Toshiba-inu
When this product doesn't want to go to dinner with you, it uses this excuse: "I've been fighting off a virus."