Set thrusters to "cool."
Buy this bike: if you're tired of all those variable-gear bikes getting all the glory.
Don't buy this bike: if the thought of living the rest of your life with only one speed makes you antsy.
Left to its own devices, this bike would: sell all its possessions and backpack through Europe.
If this bike were a U.S. President, it would be: Ufixiesses S. Grant
This bike grants its owner: a mode of transportation to and from the Farmer's Market.