GUY WHO USES GOOGLE BUYS THREE TACTICAL FLASHLIGHTS FROM WOOT. MAYBE.

John Stevens, a man who reportedly uses Google to search the Internet for things to buy, has just purchased three MP7 Smith & Wesson Tactical Flashlights from Sellout.Woot!, according to a drinkin’ buddy of ours from way back. Neither Mr. Stevens nor Google could be reached for comment to confirm the report, but we’re pretty sure Marty was telling the truth. For the most part, anyway. You can never really tell with Marty, you know. He’s kind of a joker when he’s drunk.

“I mean, I don’t KNOW the guy personally, you understand,” explained Marty last night at the pub. “He’s just this dude that passes out the mail in my office. But he said somethin’ about needing a fancy flashlight for somethin’, so I told him about Woot and your Woot-Offs and stuff. I dunno. Like I said, I don’t know the guy. But if I was him? I’d buy, like, three of those Smith & Wesson flashlights you sometimes sell on your little site, buddy. NOW WHO WANTS SHOTS?”

Talk of a possible acquisition of flashlights by John Stevens has been bubbling since last week when rumors first emerged that he’s “one of them woodsy-types, you know? Prolly got guns, too.” These rumors were first reported by Marty’s office mate Tony, who Marty claims is “good people, even though he cheats on his wife.”

While the report of this buy remains unconfirmed, what cannot be denied is that the features the MP7 Smith & Wesson 4.5v CREE HD Tactical Flashlight are pretty sweet. With a 1” weapon mountable barrel, state of the art CREE LED diode that lasts forever and is the brightest long range LED on the market, PLUS integrated pocket clip, Mr. Stevens could certainly do worse than to purchase the maximum limit per order that Woot allows.

While the tech world anticipates news of this acquisition, many question the reliability of the source of these rumors. Marty, however, has dismissed his critics. “You callin’ me a liar? You better watch your stupid mouth, buddy, or you’ll be using that flashlight to find your teeth when I knock ‘em down your throat. Now lemme borrow a dollar so I can tip this nice lady.”

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