We’re so desperate to unload this splash-dodging Labtec keeb that we’ll let you have it for one thin penny, plus five slightly-less-thin dollars for shipping. Buy it or it’s on its way to the landfill.

GORHAM, ME – The Praisner family was rocked Thursday when its computer keyboard was destroyed in what analysts are already calling “the worst beverage-spill disaster in family history.”

The accident, discovered in the morning by father Darren Praisner, rendered the keyboard inoperative and brought the social, economic, and gaming lives of the family to a halt.

“Oh my God, I can’t even see who’s poking me on Facebook,” said daughter Loryn Praisner, 15. “And don’t even suggest that I go to the library to browse the web. That place smells nasty.”

But experts say the tragedy could have prevented cheaply and easily.

“If only they’d invested in a Labtec Spill-Resistant Keyboard,” said Dr. Bea Pepper, Professor of Cola Science at Learn’d Online University, “they’d still be computing today. I hear you can get them for a penny, plus shipping. A lot of people are turned off by the PS/2 connection, but a PS/2-to-USB adapter (not included) is a lot cheaper than a brand-new USB keyboard.”

Investigators are focusing on how a 20-ounce bottle of Pibb Xtra could have been left uncapped on the computer desk, and the role played by the family cat, Biscuits. Last seen fleeing into the garage, the pet was termed an “animal of interest” by authorities.

In the meantime, the Praisners struggle to find some way to go on – and to go online.

“I could probably swipe a keyboard out of that closet in the computer lab at school,” said son Colton Praisner, 17. “Where do you think I got that external DVD burner? But hey, don’t put that in the paper, OK?”

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