And here I thought starting a brain-surgery center would be easy… 

My wife and I always dreamed of opening our own walk-in lobotomy clinic, and last year we finally got the bank approval. I thought, "This is going to be a piece of cake!" Boy was I wrong.

Naive as I was, I thought all I would need to remove the prefrontal cortex was a drill and a boring bit. But it turns out that that's a lot more to lobotomizing than just drilling. You need a TABLE upon which to do the drilling, a LIGHT of some kind to illuminate the subject's temples, and a BUCKET or something to dispose of the…you know…refuse. 

Luckily I had bought the Black and Decker 47pc Project Set and was pretty much ready for any construction challenge. It had a wireless drill just like I needed, with a keyless chuck that made mid-surgery bit-changes a breeze. And the drill's lightweight construction means I can whip through 400 lobotomies a day with nary a sore wrist.

The Black and Decker set also features plenty of other tools, including pliers, wrenches, and screwdrivers. I even installed a new doorknob on the bathroom, because the patients were having trouble interfacing with the complicated "knob" design. Our biggest challenge was creating an outpatient space for sitting and staring vacantly. There weren't any windows in the old abandoned warehouse we were occupying, so we had to make some. Now our patients stare and drool at the lone tree in the courtyard with compliant ease.

A word to the wise: If you're thinking about starting a small business or just fixing things up around the house, pick up the Black and Decker 47pc Project Set. And if you're feeling near-constant agitation, come see me. 

Back to top