We predict you’ll get a callus on your finger, and your shoulder will be hurting, too.

“Look at this! An Atari Flashback 2+! Oh, boy, are you in for a treat, son.”

“What is this, like for antique video games?”

“I think you mean CLASSIC video games, kiddo. Oh, man, it’s got ‘Battlezone!’ You’re going to love this.”

“What’s this one that’s on now? Is it supposed to be a racing game? Those graphics aren’t very realistic.”

“It isn’t supposed to be ‘realistic,’ though! It’s supposed to be FUN. Is chess a ‘realistic’ combat simulator? Does the card game ‘War’ teach you ‘realistic’ military strategies?”

“I’m just saying, Dad, if those blocky-looking things are supposed to be racecars, they aren’t rendered very well.”

“Nertz to you and your whole verisimilitude-obsessed generation! If I’m playing a game, and it’s intensely fun, and totally addictive, and wholly charming, who cares about how ‘real’ the cars look? By your logic, THE POLAR EXPRESS is a better movie than SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS!”

“SNOW WHITE actually is pretty boring, yeah, I would agree with that.”

“Open your mind, son! Imagine a time in which these graphics were brand-new! When these bleeps and bloops fell on ears that had never heard such sounds before! When the very idea of bringing the arcade experience inside your home was mind-blowingly revolutionary!”

“I guess.”

“We didn’t have preconceived notions about video gaming back then! We were explorers in a totally new world! And it sure didn’t bother us that this new game world didn’t look like the old, real world!”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“Those were thrilling times, I tell you. And you’re going to get to relive a little piece of that era right now! In our own home! On this Flashback console! Playing ‘Asteroids’ and ‘Centipede’ and ‘Missile Command’ for the first time! I wish I was you, son, I really do. It’s just…”

“What, Dad?”

“I dunno. The console itself. It seems almost… smaller, somehow. I guess it’s just one of those things about growing older, like when you go back to your high school gym, or try to squeeze into your old Underoos.”

“Dad, it says right in the description here that it’s ‘approximately two thirds the size of the original 1977 release of the Atari 2600 console.’”

“WELL LAH DEE DAH, LOOK WHO’S SUCH A GENIUS. IN MY DAY YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO BE ABLE TO READ TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES, OK?”

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