Here’s my itinerary so you know exactly when I’ll be back again.

I don’t want any confusion on when you need to pick me up, because I’ll be towing this entire 5-Piece Red Luggage Set behind me. All five of them are packed. It’s time to go. Yes, I’m taking the expandable upright suitcase and the upright carry-on. Yes, and the duffel and travel tote. Travel kit too. Look, are we going to have this argument again? This is why I hate to wake you up to say goodbye. The taxi’s waiting and blowing his horn. Probably because the meter’s running.

I don’t care how much the airline charges, I’m gone for two weeks and I need my clothes! Yes, this many clothes. Look, can’t you just kiss me and smile for me? Tell me that you’ll wait for me? At the airport if I get delayed, I mean. What do you mean, why? ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane! That’s why! I already TOLD you when I’d be back again! It’s on the itinerary! Come on, Jennifer!

Yes, every place I go I’ll think of you, okay? What? I’m not going to be singing any songs. Maybe in the shower I guess. Okay, okay! FINE! Every song I sing, I’ll sing for you! Jeez you are a control freak! Look, when I come back I’ll bring your wedding ring. And yes, I’m still mad that you could forget it the last time we visited.

I ALREADY TOLD YOU WHEN I’D BE BACK AGAIN!

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