Greenworks Pro 80V 21" Push Lawn Mower

One of these days, perhaps someone will make a good, fully-functional lawn mower that does not require setting fire to small amounts of dinosaur remains over and over, very quickly, and only *rarely* suffering major injuries when a few too many dinosaur remains burn a touch too quickly in a space that's just a shade too small.However, that glorious day when dinosaurs no longer help crop our lawns to length remains far in the future, I suspect--and I question whether GreenWorks will be around to join in the celebrations.In fairness, the mower is not completely lacking in merit. For instance, it is a very lovely shade of green. The monotone dark grey offsets the green very nicely, and the overall effect is that of a small race car. Well, a race car with a gigantic handle. And I suppose the wheels and the bag would look very out of place on a--All right, it may not have much in common with a race car.However, for all its green-and-greyness, there is a darker side to the GreenWorks 25112 13-amp mower. For instance, it is insanely underpowered. I'm not sure just how much torque 13 amps normally gets you, but the torque the 25112 develops is perhaps best measured in the number of voles you could tip over with it. Put in those terms, I would say the 25112 measures approximately oh-point-four-three voles.(If the voles resisted, the number would be much lower. For the purposes of this metaphor, assume that the voles are heavily drugged.)If you've read this far out of amusement or perhaps boredom, you probably find yourself asking "The voles are all well and good, but how much actual /grass/ can it cut, and how fast can it cut it?" Fair enough. Given a slovenly-enough walking pace, the 25112 can cut approximately no grass at all per second unless you're quite patient indeed.Once maneuvered onto a patch of un-mowed grass of a height ranging from four inches to as little as un-sprouted grass seed, this Greenworks product requires approximately five to ten seconds to reduce blade speed from... well, whatever its maximum rotational speed is... to almost failing to turn at all. Given another ten seconds or so, the flywheel--given the mower's impressive weight, I assume it contains a flywheel--will finish dragging the blade along via sheer momentum for a few full turns, severing just enough grass to allow the blade to begin to build speed again.As the blade begins to pick up speed, it will helpfully fling largely intact grass out the side of the mower, where it will block sunlight, kill the surviving grass--no more mowing!--and eventually turn into thatch requiring specialized tools or sheer bloody-mindedness and hysterical strength to remove from the lawn. The default configuration should be enough for most folks, but If you feel that the mower is not generating enough sunlight-blocking, turf-choking pre-thatch for you, you can remove a couple of plugs to take it out of "mulching mode".Now, I think we all agree that frequently it's the small details that really make the difference, and this mower is no exception. For instance, most potential buyers are unlikely to think too much about the cleverly-designed cord retention clip that helps keep the mandatory extension cord (some assembly required, batteries not included) from being yanked out of the mower every time the cord catches on some darn thing. This is a tiny thing that doesn't deserve any real consideration, you may feel.You would be right, and clearly GreenWorks agree with you; no thought at all was given to the retention clip or the notion that it should be designed to retain a quite heavy and thick cord indeed. I have my doubts, but it's frequently claimed that 100ft extension cords for devices needing 13 amps really are best rated for a minimum of 13 amps--perhaps as much as 15 amps, to be certain! It's a sad truth that one is not allowed to claim that an extension cord is rated to convey 13 (or, again, 15) amps without using enormous masses of heavy, joy-killing copper--quite a lot of PVC, too, and perhaps even other completely unnecessary materials.I, for one, refuse to believe that so much copper (also PVC!) is really necessary simply to carry a little harmless electricity and perhaps prevent it from coming into contact with the grass, the body of the mower, your body, etc. You know who doesn't get invited to parties? Underwriters Laboratories, that's who. Fortunately for us, GreenWorks is a "fun company", and they have anticipated your desire for a cord retention clip designed for those of us who eschew clunky, unnecessary copper wiring in favor of second-hand, aluminum-substitute speaker wire; coat hangers twisted together; or even Laffy Taffy.Unfortunately, it's Underwriters Laboratories that lawmakers and rulemakers are inclined to kowtow to, and if you're caught using Laffy Taffy to power your GreenWorks mower (pineapple works best, I find), you may be required to use a real extension cord, Should that happen, you will be happy to know that I performed extensive research before purchasing my GreenWorks 25112, as well as acceptance testing, and I can confirm that it's compatible with virtually every major brand of cable tie and twist-tie on the market today.Before wrapping up my review, I'd like to assure potential purchasers of this product that, if they--like I--opted for an electric rather than dinosaur-fueled mower only because they felt that they could no longer deal with the fumes and nausea of the more common models, the GreenWorks mower delivers virtually every other feature you're accustomed to--and then some. Not only is the manual replete with must-have advice, such as not mowing the extension cord; but the wheels are suspiciously flimsy and are frozen completely perpendicular to the axle, by longstanding tradition. When you're making the big jump to electric, let's face it: the last thing you need is a mower that's confusingly maneuverable.Finally, if you were worried that an electric mower might produce too little noise, failing to irritate neighbors should you choose to mow bizarrely early in the morning, GreenWorks has you covered. Every aspect of the motor and drive system have been carefully designed and tuned by their engineers to make very nearly as much noise as non-electric motors of the same or sometimes even larger sizes!You won't miss a thing!