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*DRAMATIC INHALATION* Golly it feels good to be in the great outdoors, with the birds chirping, the smell of pine, and...does it feel FREEZING out here to anybody else? Seriously, where is the thermostat? I'm going to have to put on a hoodie or something, this is ridiculous. My Yelp review shall be excoriating.
You are the one who wrote "I love getting outdoors! Hiking, camping -- you name it!" on your online dating profile, and now you have to live up to those expectations. Don't worry, you don't actually need to go outside. You just need a closet full of camping gear, and a bunch of vocalized regrets about how hard it is to get away from work.