The young ones should be braised anyway. Everyone knows that.

"Good morning, One-Armed Lazy-Eyed Mountain Witch. How are you tod … ONE-ARMED LAZY-EYED MOUNTAIN WITCH NO!!! What are you doing with that sauté pan?"

I cook baby.

"You can't do that, One-Armed Lazy-Eyed Mountain Witch."

Yes. I cook baby.

"Sauté pans are not for cooking babies. They're for sautéing vegetables and meats for things like stir-frys and fajitas."

I cook baby.

"What if you tried cooking a nice chicken breast instead? Maybe throw in some mushrooms or bell peppers."

No. I cook baby.

"But One-Armed Lazy-Eyed Mountain Witch, babies are really slippery. And this sauté pan is made of nonstick-coated pure aluminum. That baby's gonna slide right out of there and fall on the floor."

Five-second rule. I cook baby.

"You know what, One-Armed Lazy-Eyed Mountain Witch? I'm going to take this baby away now and you can cook something else. Just don't put the pan in the dishwasher when you're done because it'll shorten the life of the nonstick surface."

I cook baby.

"No, I'm sorry. That is not going to happen. Where did you get it anyway? I should return it to its parents."

I find baby.

"You found the baby where?"

In pan. I find baby.

"One-Armed Lazy-Eyed Mountain Witch, do you expect me to believe you just happened upon a perfectly good baby sitting in a sauté pan waiting to be cooked?"

… I find baby.

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