If you’re going to commit a series of motorcycle-mounted misdemeanors, hit “pause” first.

“…tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

“I do.”

“Where were you on the night of February 11th, Mr. Adams?”

“At home.”

“Is that so? You were not riding your motorcycle through the county fair, snatching candy apples and cotton candy from children whom you passed?”

“…”

“You did not ‘pop wheelies’ as you rode through the animal showcase barn?”

“…”

“And it was not you who chased the clowns out of the rodeo arena with your motocross vehicle?”

“…”

“Let the record show that the defendant shook his head after each question. Now, the prosecution wishes to introduce a new piece of evidence. Thank you, your honor. What you see in Exhibit A, ladies and gentleman, is video footage from the night of February 11th taken with a pair of Liquid Image Impact Series HD Goggle Cam. As we play the video, we can see the wearer racing through the fairgrounds, wantonly splashing mud on innocent carnival-goers. Were you the individual taking this footage, Mr. Adams?”

“No.”

“Very well. In Exhibit B we see a still image taken with the goggle’s 5MP camera. If we zoom in for detail, we can see a reflection of the rider’s face in the chrome facade of the Ferris wheel. I do not need to tell you that the face closely resembles that of Mr. Adams. Now -”

“OK, fine, I did it – is that what you want?? I rode through a carnival and stole candy from children, OK? And do you know what? Do you know what, Mrs. Fancy-Prosecutor-Lady? It felt goooooood. That’s right. I loved it, and I’d do it again. Only next time I won’t wear my camera goggles.”

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