You should really get that fir looked at, Douglas.

Christmas is a time when we all agree that something made up is actually real. What? No! We're talking about artificial Christmas trees, of course! Why, even Santa himself is willing to pretend that an artificial tree is real! He knows it's all pretend, of course, but he'll give a little wink and set presents under the artificial tree just as quickly as he will a real one. Then he'll eat those cookies and drink that milk and zip right up the chimney until next year. And it doesn't matter if we're all pretending the tree is real, does it? Because, if we believe it in our hearts for just one day, that tree can become as real as any cedar, spruce or pine hauled down from the mountains.

So don't focus on the part where this tree is man-made. In the end, aren't we all man-made? And we're no less real for it! Accept that this tree will cause less allergies and store neatly under the house until you need it a year from now. Just like Santa, really.

Except Santa's busy at the North Pole all year round. Otherwise? He and this tree are exactly the same.

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