The Otter One
I oughta box you for that OtterBox.
Use this: to protect your iPhone 5 against drops, shocks, dust, and other hazards of your favorite hobby, dust wrestling.
Don't use this: with any earlier iPhone. No, they won't "grow into it".
Some skeptics wonder: if we shouldn't just accept breakage as an essential part of iPhone life, and stop trying to play God by keeping our iPhones alive beyond their natural lifespan.
If this were a US President, it would be: Chester A. Otter.