WARNING: These items do not protect against goblins.
Use these: Uh, for sleeping in discomfort outdoors, we guess.
Don't use these: For your upcoming photoshoot with Better Homes & Gardens.
These will make you popular with: Vagrants or bears or witches.
When it's cold outside, these stay warm by: Enclosing themselves in a larger tent and a larger sleeping bag.
The only way to make these items better would be: Turning them into an actual hotel.
At a karaoke bar, these products sing: "Tented Love."